Is Biblical Femininity What I Think It Is?
Breaking the Stereotypes and Embracing God’s Design, written by Jamie Rench
“Wrestling with the ‘Meek and Quiet Spirit’”
With a quick mind and plenty to say, I used to wonder if my strong personality fit within the Bible's ideal of having a “meek and quiet spirit.”
It was not my parents’ fault—they were amazing examples of what a godly man and woman should be—but the subtle messages of society toward feminism, independence, and equality influenced my thinking.
I would think, “I am not the cookie-cutter ‘meek and quiet’ lady. Can those words apply to me? Do I have to change who I am to fit that mold? Why would God create me with this personality if He wanted me to be something else?”
Is Biblical femininity defined by those two words—meek and quiet? If so, am I missing the mark of femininity if I’m not a naturally quiet, reserved person?
Let’s look at this passage a little bit.
“What Does the Bible Say?”
1 Peter 3:3–4:
“Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; but let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.”
The idea of an ornament is “that which embellishes; something which, added to another thing, renders it more beautiful” (Webster’s 1828 Dictionary).
We live in a society where beauty is pursued and highly valued. As ladies, we watch for the next fashion trend or for the best cream to make our skin glow. We spend time learning how to do our hair, apply our makeup, and wear things that will look flattering on us.
But what does the Bible say is something that will enhance our beauty? A meek and quiet spirit. In fact, it says that this spirit is immensely valuable to God.
Years ago, I would have defined that type of spirit as someone who is naturally calm, gentle, or mild-mannered—or at least someone who forces themselves to be like that if they aren’t naturally wired that way.
The more I looked into it, I realized I had the wrong idea, and with that wrong idea was a wrong view of myself.
“What Meekness Really Means”
This meek and quiet spirit refers to being humble, unassuming, not vying for attention, ease of mind, the right ordering and commanding of your spirit, submission to God, and accepting His dealings as good and thus without disputing or resisting.
It’s not about being weak. It’s choosing to submit my power to God and trust His strength. It’s not linked to a personality type. It’s a choice to have godly humility.
That’s where this really slapped me in the face. I wanted to be strong, fierce, independent, capable—and just about any other self-exalting adjective you can think of.
At the core, this spirit of meekness attacked my pride.
“Meekness Isn’t Just for Women”
Meekness isn’t just meant for women. In Numbers 12:3, Moses was called “very meek, above all the men which were upon the face of the earth.”
He faced immense pressure and criticism, but he humbly submitted to God’s control in every circumstance.
Even Jesus Christ called Himself “meek and lowly in heart” in Matthew 11:29.
Meekness is a fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22–23). It’s not anything that can be of our own making. It must be produced in our lives through the working of the Spirit.
If I’m not naturally meek (and I’m not), that’s perfect! It’s just another way Christ can show Himself through me because it can’t be of my own personality or of my own making.
“What If I’m Not Quiet by Nature?”
So does that mean if you have a strong personality or aren’t as quiet-natured as some other ladies, that you aren’t meant to exemplify this quality?
On the contrary. Biblical femininity is not staying quiet all the time and only saying sweet, syrupy things. It’s also not being a doormat, cowering in fear, or being constantly nervous.
“Strong Women in Scripture”
The Bible is full of amazing women—women of great faith and strength, even in the face of adversity.
Aquila is never listed without his wife, his partner, his teaching and traveling buddy, Priscilla. Looking for a tough woman? What about Jael? I can put on a strong face, but I don’t know if I could do what she did.
Abigail risked her life to save her household. Deborah was a prophetess who helped lead God’s army to victory.
That’s not even mentioning Esther, Ruth, Lois, Eunice, Mary, Phebe, Rahab, Martha, Hannah, or Tabitha. None of these women were background characters or weak people, but their goal wasn’t to be the “main character” either.
They were just humble servants who didn’t shrink at the calling of God in their lives. They rose to the challenge and did mighty things for Him.
“Proverbs 31: A Different Kind of Strength”
Still aren’t sure what a godly woman is able to do or be through the power of God working in her? Read Proverbs 31 sometime.
That lady is anything but incapable, and she is most definitely not a doormat. The very word “virtuous” means “a force, an army, valor, strength, able, active, a band or great company, valiant, worthy.”
Do any of those words sound like the way we often define “meek and quiet spirit”?
That’s where the problem comes. When we don’t have a proper view of what Biblical femininity is, we throw aside what we think it is (frail, delicate, puny), and we try to live in our own “power, force, strength, valiance.”
We’ll make an absolute mess of things when we do that!
“True Strength Is in Submission”
If I can get a clear view of how God sees me and my role as a lady, I’ll see the power it holds.
Being a godly, capable, strong, humble woman who’s fully submitted to the Lord and His power working through us allows us to have such influence. I believe that’s our God-given superpower.
In our hands, trying to make things happen our way, it’s manipulation—and women get a bad reputation for being master manipulators.
But in God’s hands, when He’s guiding and directing my words and actions, when my spirit is aligned with His, the things I do and say will be influential. They’ll have His power all over it.
That’s anything but weak! That’s amazing, and it’s immensely needed in our society.
“What Happens When We Step Away from Our Role?”
When women forsake this role to chase the role they’re “missing out on” by being meek and quiet, our society is lacking the influence of godly women.
Instead, they get frustrated Karens and annoying nags who think their opinions and ideas must be heard.
You get henpecked men who are afraid to make us upset because they’ve been blasted one too many times and don’t want to suffer the wrath yet again.
“The Real Definition of Biblical Femininity”
Biblical femininity is not a personality type. It’s not a specific mold that looks or acts a certain way. It’s not weak or self-conscious or incapable.
Biblical femininity is true God-dependence.
It’s relying on HIM to shine THROUGH ME and allowing Him to use the personality He’s given me to better reflect His glory to those around me.
There’s strength and boldness (“the righteous are bold as a lion” — Prov. 28:1).
There’s confidence—not in myself or my abilities or my looks or my personality—but in the God I’m able to show to the world.
Truly, there’s nothing more beautiful than that!
Jamie Rench
Mother, Pastor’s Wife, Church Event Coordinator [My Mentor!!!]
